Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
