Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
