cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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