i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize