...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
