You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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