You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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