Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
