I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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