The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
