Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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