Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
