Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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