I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
