She just used a chaser for red wine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
