I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
