It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
