Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize