As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
how drunk are you?
Several
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
