my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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