i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
