Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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