I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
