I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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