If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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