spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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