He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
