i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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