everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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