You can't motorboat a personality
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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