I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
