You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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