I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
