True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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