Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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