So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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