Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize