I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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