Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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