ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
