So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize