what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
