he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
