There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
