so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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