I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
