I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
