I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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