she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
