honey bunches of taint.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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