I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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