Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
