Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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