I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
