I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
