Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
