did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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