dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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