Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.