Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.